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square bulletKnowing the Why: Is It Trauma Informed?

Child looking out airplane window

From , LCSW, PhD, Director, Trauma Informed Oregon

To address the “Is this TI” question for the July 2026 newsletter, I thought I would share an experience I recently had while flying.

What Happened

My two children and I were flying home after a trip. We’d booked these tickets months in advance and selected three seats together. We checked in online 24 hours ahead of time. Our first leg went smoothly, and we were waiting to board our connecting flight home.

As the group ahead of ours was called, we double-checked our seats – and discovered they had all been changed. We’d been moved to middle seats, scattered across different rows. I immediately approached the gate agent, who was kind and tried to understand what had happened, but couldn’t determine the cause. By that point, it was too late to fix.

While boarding, a different gate agent said – out of routine – "Have a nice trip." When I replied that wouldn’t be possible given what had just happened, the agent’s response was "I didn’t do it." The agent’s exchange was dismissive, and it reflected the same disregard as the seat change itself.

I was frustrated to find myself in a middle seat away from my children for a five-hour flight – as were my children. But what troubled me most was how this happened:

  • No consent
  • No warning
  • No acknowledgment or accommodation
  • No opportunity to prepare – to shift food, medications, or comfort items between us

I’d done everything right. I paid for these seats well in advance, checked in on time, and followed every step of the process. The airline unilaterally changed our seats with no notification, no explanation, and no options offered.

We managed. I practiced lots of breathing exercises, and my children are able to be on their own. But the stress and anger I had to regulate during that flight were unnecessary for my nervous system, and entirely avoidable.

Consider what could have been at stake. What if one of the people I was traveling with had a need requiring my direct assistance? What if a bag that got separated from us contained medication or an essential comfort item? What if a passenger had arranged their seats specifically to manage their anxiety about flying or sitting with strangers? That kind of unilateral change dismantles all of that planning in an instant, with no warning and no recourse.

So – Is This Trauma Informed? Let’s Break it Down.

It’s tempting to think of trauma informed care as something that belongs only in clinics, schools, or social services. But at its core, trauma informed practice is about how any system – an airline, a clinic, a school front office – handles power, information, and people’s ability to prepare for what’s about to happen to them.

Here’s what was missing, mapped to the values and principles of TIC:

What Was Not Trauma Informed

No choice or control. Our seats were changed without our knowledge or agreement. A trauma informed system maximizes people’s ability to make decisions about what happens to them, especially in situations they’ve already planned for.

No transparency. No one could explain why the change happened, and no one proactively told us before we discovered it ourselves. Trust breaks down fast when people can’t get a straight answer about a decision that affects them.

No opportunity to prepare. We had no chance to redistribute medication, comfort items, or anything else between our bags and our bodies before being split apart. Preparation time is part of what helps a nervous system to regulate.

Dismissiveness in the repair attempt.* "Have a nice trip" and "I didn’t do it" are both deflections. Neither acknowledges harm, and neither offers any path toward repair. A dismissive response to a legitimate concern often does as much damage as the original event. *Do know that my thoughts also went to how well the gate agents are treated: Were they tired? Are they compensated well? Do they have support? Etc.

No accommodation for invisible needs. The system had no way to account for the fact that some passengers arrange seating specifically to manage disability, anxiety, panic, or caregiving needs that aren’t visible from a gate podium.

What Would Have Been Trauma Informed

  • Advance notification, with an explanation – even a brief one – before we discovered the change ourselves. Maybe there was a passenger with a more important need or a safety issue. This would have changed my reaction.
  • Options and the opportunity to prepare – a chance to redistribute belongings, or a heads-up early enough to problem-solve.
  • Acknowledgment when something goes wrong – a simple, direct “I’m sorry this happened, here’s what we can do” goes a long way toward repairing trust, even when the original problem can’t be undone.
  • Appropriate compensation or accommodation – recognition that an unrequested, unexplained change has a real cost to the people affected
  • A system built to ask “for whom might this be activating?” before changes like this happen – not just after someone complains.

Why This Matters Beyond Airlines

Nothing about my situation required special clinical training of the airline staff to get it right. It required a system willing to ask a basic trauma informed question: How will this decision help or harm, and for whom? Second, it required a system prepared to prevent, buffer, and be accountable to the outcome. Maybe airlines could complete the Hotspot Activity to prepare them for better responses. 

The question How will this decision help or harm, and for whom? applies everywhere people interact with systems that hold power over their day – a gate agent, a security guard, a social worker, a clinic intake. Being trauma informed isn’t a specialized add-on for helping professions. It’s a basic standard for how any system treats the people who rely on it.

And for those interested – I did send the airlines a version of this blog and an offer to help educate as needed 😉.